It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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