My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
