i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize