i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
