Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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