Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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