you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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