Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
