Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to make a zoo with you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
