Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize