Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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