You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
