Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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