I think i peed on brittanys purse
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
