They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Floor bacon is actually really good
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