I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
