I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet he comes in French.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
