I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
