He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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