My room smells like vodka and shame
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
