I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
