Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
