Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize