so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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