i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
