I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
