Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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