So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
