this boner is exhausting
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
