I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
