Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
