I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
