You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize