Non-Jews are for practice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
