if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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