I'm sorry my penis didn't work
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
