let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
