Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
