My hand turned me down
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
