I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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