Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
