kristin has been a bad kristin
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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