I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
