if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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