she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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