If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
