yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
