Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
