You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
