I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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