so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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