Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize