After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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