WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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