Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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