I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
