you would pick up someone in the library
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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