you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm really busy with my period
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