some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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