woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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