sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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