I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
