i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
