My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
