He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
