Ketchup is God's man juice
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
