hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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