Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
