this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
