Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just pee around me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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