My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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