I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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