I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize