Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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