Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
