He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
