wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
