I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize