I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this boner is exhausting
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
