She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
