Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
