Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
