Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Randomize
