Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
