my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
