Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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