ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
