I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
