So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
