I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
