Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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