That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
