This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize